.

If everything went smooth, i should be in Italy at the moment, but life is a joke, instead of italy, i'm in this crappy rented house right now.

Winter's coming, it's getting cold, i should call my mum to send me some coats, but we haven't talk since i left home, no idea what's she's busying about, i don't want to talk anyway. it's best to keep that way.....but how about my coats?

Days past by, it's been almost one year since i left shanghai for "good", i still remember clearly how i was feeling when i was here, hate the job, hate the city, hate the life that i was living.... But see how life jokes me around, it brought me back to this city, a worse job, a worse life, and left me no leeway, i can only take it, or end it.

A whole year just well wasted, no gain, no progress, but a lot of pain. the only progress (if it could be called 'progress') is that i'm losing my passion for everything, nothing could lift my mood up anymore, the musics all sounds the same, the movies are all produced in the same box, the video games are just so stupid. everything is so boring.

Finally i'm living on my own, i thought i would be free, do whatever i like, but sadly i found there's nothing that i really like. Living everyday like a ghost, wake up, turn on the computer, movies after movies, can't even remember the names, grab something to eat when hungary, weep on the pillow for a while, sleep when i feels like to....

In front of people, i smile, i talk, act like i'm doing good, have a lot of plans, a plenty of dreams to be fullfilled...but i don't, i no longer have any of these. it even startles me when i realise it. what am i gonna to do? Age is a cruel thing, it take away every beautiful things from you slowly, when you realise it, it's already to late..

When life ends up like this, is there any reason to go on?

I shouldn't even be here anyway.