拿起久违的吉他,弹了几个弱智的和弦活动活动手指后,有意无意的播了几首布鲁斯,好听的我泪流满面....

Now Playing 'Eric Clapton - Lonely Stranger' from album "Unplugged"

突然觉得之前当做好歌弹的那些摇滚流行小调非常幼稚。

莫非我近几个月除了The Boat That Rocked原声外再没发现能听的砖是因为我潜移默化的转型blues了？

Now Plaing 'Lorraine Ellison - Stay With Me'

难怪最近听这首越听越激动越听越荡漾，我要努力憋着不要和Lorraine一起喊aww stay with me baby!!你们都是殿堂级别的！(摇滚电台OST里duffy翻唱版本太恶劣了!)

Now Playing 'Bob Marley - Turn Your Lights Down Low'

Raggie在我耳朵里也前所未有的销魂了...Bob Marley慵懒的鼻音....我顿时化了........(和Lauryn Hill合唱的rap版是个杯具)

推荐经过漫长的音乐空白期终于在硬盘里发掘到的经典们：

B.B. King - The Thrill Is Gone (我竟然听BBKing了，我竟然也开始听BBKing了!)

Billy Joel - Piano Man (突然想起鲍鱼大叔，当年反反复复看ziggy的日子怎么感觉那么远)

Cream - White Room (吉他声音太爱了!)

Funkadelic - One Nation Under A Groove (竟然被我听出Mansun的风格)

Jeff Buckley - Hallelujah (虽然都听过，但这个版本的吉他部分不得不听)

Led Zeppelin - Kashmir (每次听到这前奏都顿感Page太伟岸了,整个不列颠都跟着伟岸了!)

Lynyrd Skynyrd - Free Bird (吉他经典)

Marvin Gaye - Lets get it on (awwww babe!!!!)

Paul McCartney - Maybe I'm Amazed (I'm definitely amazed!)

Prince - Kiss (经过这么多磨炼我终于听进去了，然后不可自拔了!)

Rod Stewart - Maggie May (狗镇里heath唱的那首...吉他阿..再次仰面45度...)

Simon and Garfunkel - Bridge Over Troubled Water (我又要仰面....最近脖子不太好...吸鼻...T T)

The Beach Boys - God Only Knows (一个年代的乐队，一个年代的美好)

刷子说，行了，你可以尽情糟蹋身体了，没事儿!

接着第二天，我病了....

开始以为是牙疼，一个下午的时间已经逐渐肿的上下牙齿并不拢了，下班回家的路上喉咙一侧肿，抽烟都感觉漏风，口水增多，咽一口TMD疼得我直哼哼...

路过药店买了盒清火药和抗菌片，我也不知道对不对症，反正药店的老太太让我买的，真TM贵，50块没了...

终于到家，吃药，换衣服放到，躺在床上随时做好心理生理双重准备 —— 咽口水...扁桃体发炎比牙疼还难受啊! 至少牙疼还可以咽口水。哪来这么多口水呢！躺着躺着开始耳朵疼，头也疼，浑身哆嗦，还出汗...

然后开始睡，胡乱做梦，稀里糊涂的梦到一堆公事，宣传，策划，奶奶的我本来就头疼!我在梦里呼喊这啥JB破梦，我不想再想这些鸟工作! 然后这破梦就慢慢不见了....接着梦到某大学同学跟我住一个群租房，她的房间小的只能放一张床，然后一群人在她房间里聊天，这些人是——TLW的Bette, Tina, Helena, Alice和Kit! 我真不知道这些人是如何挤进去的，尤其是Kit大婶! 令我最不满的是连那个倒霉的蛮横哑巴女都有，竟然没有Shane!!!! 天理何在阿....

一觉睡到中午12点，开始漫长的吃药旅程。现在的药真JB坑人，一盒36片感觉不少，但它让你一天4次，一次4-5片! 我擦! 另外一种药也好不了哪去，一天虽然2次，一次6片! 事后二少证明这些药其实是不对症的...!

打开pps看美剧，完全看不进去，于是闭眼睛胡思乱想，要是明天还不好我后天就不能去上班，终于可以不用去上班，有什么办法能不上班也有钱赚呢？我也不是懒，其实麦当劳或者送报纸的活我还是愿意做的，只要不是什么fucking白领。但前提是钱得够花，欧美的麦当劳薪水就不少了，又回到了我的出国梦，三句话不离本行，我要魔怔了，这辈子不出去一次我死有余辜...(这成语好像不这么用)....如果我就这么病下去不去医院会怎样? 病死也好，省得我自杀还下不去手，我再也不用担心工作租房出国了...然后临死前微笑中带着哀怨的跟我妈说“妈啊，不用花钱给我看病了，反正不出国我活着也没意思，有治病的钱都够我出国了，但现在说啥都晚了，你看我也起不来炕了...” NND这是哪跟哪，我烧糊涂了...这又是何必呢? 自己死还不让别人好好活...再说这实在不靠谱，我的死亡证明上总不能写“xxx，经抢救无效，死于扁桃体发炎..." 平庸的命啊, 连得个病都不够壮烈...

这时候我决定百度看看到底是不是扁桃体发炎，事实证明没有意外，果然是毫不壮烈的扁桃体发炎，严重可能导致中耳炎，需要尽快去医院治疗，一般打针一周内能治愈，如不尽早治疗，严重的后果是鼓膜穿孔导致耳聋....XXOOXX!我不想做贝多芬阿! 以我的造诣不可能聋了以后音乐灵感如泉涌，也不可能看着吉他指哪弹哪，更不可能看着一MP3文件想象出旋律（如今已经不是看着CD飞转的年代了，真不文艺）...痛定思痛，我决定正面对待我的病情...但让我去医院是不可能的，首先我不想凄凄惨惨兮兮的一个人去医院挂号排队付款像个畜牲一样被对待，其次，我连上厕所都困难，别提去医院了。于是，我决定关电脑，继续睡觉...

这样又睡到晚上，没有好转，我忍痛又吃了一把药，咽咽口水，躺倒，竟然还困，那就睡吧，睡死拉倒。就这样，我创纪录的睡到了今天早上。

起床后喉咙明显好多了，咽口水时已经没那么痛苦，耳朵也没那么疼了，我那哥特式的哀怨畅想就这么收尾了...天注定我就不是个壮烈的人...

中午二少送来了午餐和救命药，有炸什么排（我吃不出是什么肉），青椒胡萝卜，煎鸡蛋...手艺赞阿! 以后同福有你掌厨不用担心倒闭了...还有蛋的巧克力，我都不知道还给我带了，感动....

吃饱喝足，现在我神奇般的又困了...

工作只是为了活着，没有盼头，纯等死

觉永远睡不够，闭上眼睛就做梦，睁开眼睛还想睡

当年每天4小时睡眠依旧精神饱满的时代一去不复返了

岁月不饶人，什么时候干脆一觉睡死算了。

活到这地步，我到底是为什么为什么and为什么呢！！

If everything went smooth, i should be in Italy at the moment, but life is a joke, instead of italy, i'm in this crappy rented house right now.

Winter's coming, it's getting cold, i should call my mum to send me some coats, but we haven't talk since i left home, no idea what's she's busying about, i don't want to talk anyway. it's best to keep that way.....but how about my coats?

Days past by, it's been almost one year since i left shanghai for "good", i still remember clearly how i was feeling when i was here, hate the job, hate the city, hate the life that i was living.... But see how life jokes me around, it brought me back to this city, a worse job, a worse life, and left me no leeway, i can only take it, or end it.

A whole year just well wasted, no gain, no progress, but a lot of pain. the only progress (if it could be called 'progress') is that i'm losing my passion for everything, nothing could lift my mood up anymore, the musics all sounds the same, the movies are all produced in the same box, the video games are just so stupid. everything is so boring.

Finally i'm living on my own, i thought i would be free, do whatever i like, but sadly i found there's nothing that i really like. Living everyday like a ghost, wake up, turn on the computer, movies after movies, can't even remember the names, grab something to eat when hungary, weep on the pillow for a while, sleep when i feels like to....

In front of people, i smile, i talk, act like i'm doing good, have a lot of plans, a plenty of dreams to be fullfilled...but i don't, i no longer have any of these. it even startles me when i realise it. what am i gonna to do? Age is a cruel thing, it take away every beautiful things from you slowly, when you realise it, it's already to late..

When life ends up like this, is there any reason to go on?

I shouldn't even be here anyway.

我想我的吉它

Dear Ms Wang,
thank you for your e.mail. The admission cannot be postponed but we will be glad to reconsider your candidature for next year. I suggest that next spring you contact me again in order to arrange a new interview

Sincerely,
Barbara Sepic

15 Jul 

Dear Ms. Sepic,

Paul的歌词比圣经还真理

If you feel transition to your other life
Don't need money to be there
Leave behind your money just to prove your worth
Won't be here so I don't care
If you strap your conscience to your vision thing
Won't be here so I don't care
Prove your worth to people that you can call your friends
Won't be here so I don't care
I wouldn't care if I was washed up tomorrow you see
Reading novels is banned by the Marquis De Sade
All your relationships are emptying and temporary
Life is wearing me thin
I feel so drained, my legacy
A sea of faces just like me
I've been drained emotion is a bitter thing
Won't be here so I don't care
I concede relationships have left me weak
Won't be here so I don't care
Look for something worthy to replace my guilt
Won't be here so I don't care
Prove my worth to people who I can call my friends
Won't be here so I don't care
Nobody cares when you're gone
Nobody cares when you're gone
Nobody cares when you're gone
Nobody cares when you're gone
Nobody cares when you're gone
Nobody cares when you're gone
Nobody cares when you're gone
Nobody cares when you're gone
Nobody cares when you're gone

再一次打包所有行李,再一次搬家,再一次感觉四处漂泊,不同的是这次是从我自己家搬出去.

我以为不管漂泊到哪里,当我无处安身时,即使再遥远再破旧我也始终有个可以回去的地方,但没有想到即使在自己家里也有被赶出去的一天.

家的概念，由清晰到模糊到如今的荡然无存。

明晚要去住旅店，在这个全是家人亲戚包围的城市竟会沦落到住旅店。长大了，有些苦要自己吞，有些事要学会不去告诉心疼自己的人了。

我做错了什么?我做错了什么?我究竟做错了什么?

收拾好所有行李,只准备了一小包带去北京,不知道在那能否生存,也不知道什么时候又要再次漂到另一个城市,我只能尽量简单的上路.犹豫了很久决定不带吉他,放松琴弦之前再弹一次,从未感受过这些带着感情的音符是如此不一样....精心擦拭一番,仔细装好,暂时告别了,等我再次见到你们的时候就代表我暂时结束漂泊了.

唏嘘伤心失落绝望无助难过全都到此结束。就当我没回来过，就当一切美好的假象都没发生过，我始终还是一个人，依旧悲伤着悲伤，快乐着快乐。

Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind; it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees; it is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep springs of life.
　　
Youth means a tempera-mental predominance of courage over timidity, of the appetite for adventure over the love of ease. This often exists in a man of 60 more than a boy of 20.　Nobody grows old merely by a number of years.　We grow old by deserting our ideals.
　　
Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, fear, self-distrust bows the heart and turns the spring back to dust.Whether 60 or 16, there is in every human being’s heart the lure of wonder,the unfailing childlike appetite of what’s next and the joy of the game of living.　In the center of your heart and my heart there is a wireless station: so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, courage and power from men and from the Infinite, so long are you young.

When the aerials are down, and your spirit is covered with snows of cynicism and the ice of pessimism, then you are grown old, even at 20, but as long as your aerials are up, to catch waves of optimism, there is hope you may die young at 80.

Shall We Talk

小叮当 不爱回家吃饭
宁愿在大安公园捉迷藏
看明月光 低头不思故乡
宁愿看漫画不听妈妈的评弹
孩子们只会贪玩 父母都只会期望
为什么天南地北不能互相体谅
蟋蟀对着螳螂 有什么东西好说
shall we talk shall we talk
好像过去牵着手去上学堂
请你说 我们为何变成陌路人的模样
请你说 还有什么比沉默更难堪
难道互相隐藏
就能避免了失望
表白有什么可怕
请你别怕为难不要拐弯
屏幕闪亮 两个人一起看
什么都不谈只敢 打着官腔
情侣的晚餐 白开水一样淡
宁愿面对着一部电脑无事忙
情侣都善于说谎 大人都只会向前看
好让我们重新认识别隐瞒
请你说 请你说出心里难以承受的伤
不能说 除非我们早已忘记了爱的力量
聊天只能假装
表情需要勉强
何必把这种遗撼
带到未来的天堂
天黑黑 孩子们不在身旁
都跑到外面干活爱吃便当
and shall we talk
只有树叶摇晃
沉默到听得见那老个心荒

当失望已变成绝望 继续哀怨只能让自己难堪

有力呐喊就不要无病呻吟 无谓的同情即换不到也不需要 何必害人害己

退一步海阔天空 放手了.

再见 理想